so i'm thinking of removing entries

i'm thinking of removing some of my past entries that have to do with some of my ex's.  what do you guys think?  should i leave them up or get rid of them?

survey, thought i might entertain myself for a little.

When did you meet the last female you texted? eh... a year ago or so? it's been a while since i met her >.<

Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? you better believe it.

Are you currently looking forward to anything? mel coming up here

Would you be surprised if your most recent ex called you tonight? not really, it's happened already.  i'd much prefer she kept my name out of her mouth though.

Have you ever kissed anyone within an hour of meeting them? nope

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? yup, but most of the time i only divulge the important things when asked.

Do you care too much/not at all/just enough? if it's unimportant i couldn't care less.  if it has a true effect on someone's life, then i care a little bit.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked? yup.. wasn't who i was with but i'll keep it at that.

Who was the last person you went out to eat with? the family on sunday

Your phone is ringing. Its an ex. What do you say? i wouldn't answer.  there isn't a conversation that would be worth having with any of them.

Where is the person who has your heart at the moment? florida unfortunately

Were you single on your last birthday? no

Are you anyones first love? can't say that i was or am.

Did anything brighten up your day today? i got to drive hi-low again last night!  and i scared the jibblies out of kari leaving work XD

What is one thing that is currently bothering you? not being able to fix my car completely..  it just runs a little rough.. but it's not worth the 600 to fix :(

Do you want to cut your hair? yes but i also want to grow it out..

Would you rather have roommates or live alone? live alone

Do you have any scars? i think just one burn mark >.<

Will you be in a relationship next month?  i definitely hope so

Do you remember who you liked three months ago? yuppers! 

Has someone upset you in the past 48 hours? yes. 

What are you freakishly obsessed with? probably my phone and my car lol 

What have you done today? worked

Who is the last person to irritate you? shirley, paul, nick, pam... 

What is the last thing you did before bed last night? tried to talk on the phone.

Is there someone who likes you? i sure hope so lol

What makes you happy? thunderstorms, my music, those moments of peace when everything seems to be in turmoil.

Do you trust people easily? nope.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? can't really remember it...

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met? yup, they let me chill in their van while i waited for the cops to show up when i went into the ditch.

How many true friends do you have? very very few.

The next time you will leave the city you're in? tonight

Do you have feelings for anyone? yup, the girl i'm with :P  

First thing you do when you wake up in the morning? search for food

Have you kissed someone in '10 that means alot to you? no... 

Would you prefer being locked in a room with your ex or your worst enemy? worst enemy... definitely.  at least then i would have them cornered muwahahahaha!

Who was the last person that left you a comment? um.... not sure

What's something you really want right now? pizza... 

Where do you go when you need to just get away? i put in my headphones and block everything out.

Who was the last person to make fun of you? connie lol. 

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing? yes.  just to get a laugh though.  it was pretty funny

What is something weird you have done lately? attacked kari when we were leaving work

Do you ever wonder if the person standing next to you is a virgin or not? nope.  it's their choice.

If you were going to die in 10 seconds, what would be the last thing you said? prolly commenting on how awesome the cookie that i choke on is.

Who do you go to for advice the most? frankly i don't most of the time.  i might check with people's opinions but in the end it's my choice.

Can money buy happiness? very short happiness.  but not true happiness.

Do you think women should work or stay at home? i think it's their choice.

What's the worst thing to happen to you today? dealing with all this stupid humidity while trying to sleep as i lay here and just sweat >.<

Is there a certain person that makes you feel safe? yeah

Did you kiss or hug anyone today? yeah.  it was awesome! lol

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough, you'll get it? nope.

Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now? she should be sleeping and nobody else should be thinking about me.

What's something that can always make you feel better? my music.

alright. so it's been forever (again)

i know i know.  i update these things so rarely that when i do it seems to be just a mesh of everything over the past couple months.  and that's exactly what it is.  my notes/weblogs (facebook/xanga) are a very rare glance at what i think through and how i percieve my surroundings.  also it's how i tend to vent things out instead of taking it out on people.... i kinda fail at that seeing as how rarely i actually update these if you couldn't tell.  so let's start with an update of what's been going on and see where i end up going with this, cuz i really don't know where it'll go til i get there.

for starters.  yes, i'm in a long distance relationship.  we talk on the phone everyday and even have an occassional movie date.  i know it's not your standard relationship but to me, the wait is well worth it.  even looking at it logically it makes sense though.  most of my past relationships have been the whole "too physical too fast" thing... it's not something i'm proud of but it is what it is.  it's also something that simply CAN'T happen this time.  our relationship is based entirely on communication and being emotionally supportive of one another in what we do ( no matter how much grief i give her :P ).  she's someone i've known for years and we've only gotten to know each other that much better since then.  in some ways she and i are very similar (it scares even me) but i can also see our differences and how they help us both.  when she expressed her desire to go to church and even the fact that she prayed, it truly gave me hope and i couldn't express the joy i felt.  i can't wait to see where God takes us and what his plans for us are.

now the catch is this (yes, there is one, hush and listen), she lives in florida.  so far the plan is that she'll be moving up here next month before halloween.  we've waited a long time for this and there's many reasons for that.  none of them good enough in my opinion but things happen for a reason and it's not my place to question those reasons.  no matter what, my place is to trust God and make the best of what's given to me.

alright, now then on to the next thing.  i'm still working at amway through manpower.  so i'm still a temp but i now have my hi-low license and i've been there for just under a year.  i've been able to help train some of the noobs and i've learned a lot from the full-timers there.  hopefully when (or before) my time's up, they'll hire me but i have to remember to keep reality in focus.  our shift has no full-timers besides for the line-leads and hi-low driver.  so though i'm hopeful, i know my chances are slim.  all i can do is do my best and keep praying that i'll get a shot.  while i've been there i've made some really awesome friends though and whether i'm there or somewhere else, i know they're some of the best gals a guy could have.

almost 3/4 of a year ago, i broke up with jessica.  though there were many good reasons (and some bad ones) as to why it happened, she and i do not speak to each other anymore.  i'm perfectly ok with this and have since moved on with my life.

i'm still driving my original car.  lol frankenstein has seen better days but for a 16 year old car with 215K miles on the original engine and tranny, i'd say it's doing pretty well.  still getting great gas mileage and though it shakes and now has some odd coloring to the body, it gets me where i need to go everyday.  i've been doing repairs on it every month and finally catching up on everything.  i'm very grateful for the lessons my dad has taught me in working on my car and about maintaining it.

i might not show it very often.. but i'm very grateful to my parents for the lessons that they taught me.  whether through their mistakes or purposefully showing me how to do things, i hope that someday i can make them proud of the person i'm becoming.  and whether or not my mom knows it, i am grateful for her and dad letting me stay at home during everything that's been happening.  i know it might seem like all i want to do is leave, but it's not because i don't want to be part of the family.  i want to prove that i can stand on my own feet and survive and show them that they taught me right from wrong and taught me well.  even paying rent and insurance and everything has proven to be a value-able lesson to me, and i'm glad that i now know it.

i'm still trying to get all my loans and everything paid off so that i can go back to school.  no, i did not just give up on school.  i made a lot of mistakes all at once and am still taking my punishment as it comes.  but when the time comes i want to go back to school for a business degree as well as my computer science degree.

my hope is that once i'm prepared, that i can move out to california.  (i know this is going to sound really out there but as i said before, hush and listen)  i want to open an internet-cafe where people can bring their computers so that i can fix them as well.  i want to show people how i fix them so that they might be able to learn how to do it as well and understand their computers a little bit more.  i also want to make it a christ-centered workplace.  one where maybe we stay open late a night a week to get a group together or maybe even have a class.  i want to see an impact being made to invite people who might not necessarily be drawn to a church on sunday mornings or feel like they fit in with a youth group.  even when it comes to the coffee shops that i go to, my friends there go through a lot and i just wish that there was somewhere they could go that had a good support system in place with strong morals as well.

so now you've gotten another quick look inside my mind for about an hour.  oh, and fyi, if you have questions about anything in these notes... i find it much less annoying if you ask me about them directly instead of asking my mom about them and then her asking me.  i mean, no offense, but that's a pretty wussy move.  lol it's not like i'm going to bite your head off unless you come attacking me or something like that.  anywho, long story short... questions=ask me.

bored... and way too comfy lol

within the depression (i)